It's almost 1am on Friday. I am sitting here not watching Nick at Nite or playing some game online, but stewing over things. Anyone that knows me knows that me stewing is not an uncommon thing. I stew about alot of things. Tonight i am sitting here stewing about several things. Some might think that stewing about several things at once is a bit abnormal. Well, what can I say, I'm an overachiever. I go for the gold when it comes to stewing.
I'm stewing over the fact that my mom is leaving tomorrow. She has been living with us for just over 6 months now. She moved in with the intention of supporting me and the girls during a deployment that hubby was supposed to be on by this point. Well, that didn't happen. Now things have changed and the hubby isn't deployed but separating from the Air Force. I'm not glad she is leaving, but I am sad that the girls won't have their "Moogee" with them. I know Maggie is going to have a really hard time with it, but thankfully it won't be too long before we see her again.
I'm also stewing over a great friend that is having a hard time right now. She is one of the most deserving and beautiful individuals I have had the pleasure of knowing. She and her family have been wanting to have a child for awhile now and they have finally been blessed with a pregnancy. She has had her heart broken before with a miscarriage and now, while I know she is over the moon excited at the prospect of a beautiful, loving baby in her life, I also understand the flip side of her joy. There have been some very negative individuals in her life that have been adding to her stress instead of her joy. I understand their "intentions" by telling her "facts" and such, but it really hurts her to have that negativity in her life. She and her husband deserve to be loved, supported and treated with compassion right now, not to be smacked with what one individual believes is correct. This beautiful lady has done everything humanly possible to ensure a safe, healthy and beautiful pregnancy. I continue to pray every night that she and her husband are blessed with the beautiful child that they have both been dreaming of for years.
My next stewing cycle comes the ever going argument with myself over my weight. I was doing really well with going to the gym every morning and working out atleast once a day. Things were really going very well with classes and exercise. I knew I was feeling better and my girls were enjoying their routine of going to the gym with mama every morning before school. There was a rather large falling out with me and a few of the ladies I would join at the gym in the morning and of course instead of continuing my routine, i let myself use it as an excuse to stop. Then my stress continued to grow my desire to go to the gym lessened. I also didn't want to use the usual "New Years Resolution" thing. I've done that before and it doesn't work. So now I sit here stewing over what I do and don't want to committ to doing. With the move, life is so unpredictable and I don't know what I can or can't do. Hopefully things will calm down and I'll be able to figure out what I can't do. I really want to be able to committ to an exercise routine and diet plan. Who knows? I should, and I probably would if I could bring myself to read the books I have bought, check out the gyms I emailed and checked rates on. But, I always have a but. Ugh.
Last but certainly not least is the stew of what my husband is going to do with our lives now. The air force doesn't want him, he doesn't want to join the army, he hasn't heard back from Blackwater, and there aren't any jobs in the area we are moving back to. I have talked and talked to him about what we should do for our girls and our family in order to achieve the goals that he has set for himself. He wants to become a minister and go to seminary. I support that without question, however while he is in Seminary we have to be able to provide for our girls and meet our financial obligations. My feeling is that he should enlist in the army for a certain amount of time in order for him to get his masters degree and for me to go to school and get some kind of CNA/LPN/RN degree and eventually get my masters degree in social work and my certification as an ASL interpreter. That will provide a stable income for our girls with the insurance they require. It would also allow for our financial situation to improve while he gets his masters degree. He could build up terminal leave and be allowed to go to school while he is serving. I respect his desire to not join the army, but there really aren't many other options. I don't know, I'm sure it will work out as it is supposed to and my hope is that everything will work out according to the plan I like. :)
Anyway, i'm done stewing for tonight. Stay tuned for tomorrow nights ramblings.
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