I hate these situations where I can't figure out how to approach things. Any mom out there can probably understand it, but especially mom's who have "less than typical" kids. Case in point - we're supposed to be heading down to South Carolina for Cory's cousins' wedding in about a week. We haven't seen the family down there in almost 7 years. Most of the family haven't met the girls, or atleast haven't seen Riley since she was a baby. Anyway, we've made hotel reservations for the first part of the trip since the wedding is in one location, at the family lives in another. A few days after the wedding we're hoping to couch surf and stay with family until after the 4th of July. This will give us about 2 weeks with all the family down there and time for the girls to play with their cousins and get to know the rest of the family. The family in SC is my late father in law's family and they're really important to Cory and I.
So, with this wedding coming up we've been trying to negotiate everything and make sure that we have things lined up. We've made reservations for Kate to stay at a boarding place in Greenville. She'll be taken care of, get to play with other dogs, the whole shibang. We have things set up so that the chickens will be taken care of and we won't have to worry about them. I'm going to go to the post office and put all our mail and stuff on hold so that we don't have to worry about that either. The van is going to be serviced this weekend and I'm working on making sure we have all the right clothes for the wedding and all that stuff. But, as any parent knows, trying to figure out how to approach the subject of Wedding Behavior and Autism isn't exactly the easiest thing. It would be one thing if the wedding was being held in a church or a place that I could take the girls to another room if they became disruptive or had a hard time, but this wedding is being held in a University Chapel. And not just any chapel, but Clemson. So, the "alternative location for kiddos" isn't too feasible.
I've been trying to figure out how to make all of this work and approach the whole experience differently or how to talk to the family about it without it becoming a big ole' issue, but it's not going too well in my head. We can't just hire a sitter to watch the kids while we're at the wedding, since we'll be in a hotel, with strangers, in a strange place - that's automatically going to be a stressor. Plus, Riley is already all upset about it looking like we're "leaving Kate" and not "going to have her anymore" since she doesn't understand the concept of "doggie daycare". Part of me thinks that I should just stay at the hotel with the girls for the wedding and not even put them through the whole thing, but I do want to be there and celebrate with the family. We missed another cousins' wedding since we were in Washington, I really don't want to miss another. I really just can't figure out what to do. Things are already bad enough around here with the NC family, I don't want to make things any worse by "not going" to the wedding or having it appear as though I don't care or something. Because that is NOT the case. I really don't want to risk disrupting the wedding because of rowdy kids or the girls being upset that they aren't "flower girls" or something ridiculous like that. But, that is a VERY likely scenario. It's beyond likely that they'll be upset that their dresses don't look like "the flower girls" or that "they don't get to stand up there too". I've tried talking to them about it and it ends up with them in tears talking about how they'll "never get to be a flower girl". Stuff like this just doesn't get explained right to the kids.
I want the wedding and reception to be what the bride and groom want. Not with the focus being diverted at all to screaming kids and autistic fits. This is one of those times I wish I had another autistic mom to talk to who understands these things. There's no "How To" book on things like this. The girls are great and they'd do just fine with somethings, but i'm really not sure how they'd do with a wedding just after meeting all this new family, staying in a strange place, not having their "kate" with them, not having "their" things the way they're used to. I just don't know. I look at this as something that could be a wonderful thing for the girls to see, but I also know how the girls can be and I don't want to have anything cast a shadow or damper on such a momentous and beautiful occasion as this. I want it to be perfect for the bride and groom. Not a "what's going to happen if" or "what will they do if" situation. I don't doubt for a minute that they will love the girls and treasure them and enjoy being with them. That's not a question at all for me. I know the entire SC family will accept and love the girls for exactly who they are. In my head, it's more about having enough respect and love for the bride and groom to do everything in my power to allow them to have the wedding they have worked so hard for. They deserve that. I'm hoping to find some kind of compromise that will allow the girls to be there and enjoy the reception and dancing with family, friends and cousins but also not push them to "be quiet" or "calm down" if they get all excited at seeing the "Beautiful Princess!" (aka - the bride) and her "handsome prince" (aka-the groom) and wanting to run up to them and hug them and "help".
Ugh...where's a fairy godmother when you need one?
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