No Time For Breathing

Much less anything else lately. I'm not kidding when I say that there is literally no time for anything to sink in anymore. Today is August 9th.  Today is the first day of dance classes for the girls. Maggie starts tonight with her Jazz/Tap Class.  We don't have the tap shoes she needs since things didn't fall into place for her to get them. Should be able to get them NLT Wednesday. The girls are all taking a form of dance classes this year.  Maggie is taking the Tap/Jazz class. Ella is taking a Ballet/Tap class. Riley is taking Ballet.  Then, in addition to those, Maggie and Riley are both taking an "Acrobatics" class (aka - Gymnastics).  Tomorrow I have to take Kate to the vet since she hurt her back left paw.  Then, go register the two oldest for school (formally that is).  After that I have to take the girls to dance classes.  Wednesday will probably be spent with Cory down at Campbell getting his financial aid stuff finalized and getting his schedule set up.  Wednesday night is Acrobatics.  Thursday, will probably be getting the utilities and everything set up for the new house in addition to Maggie's eye doctor appointment.  Friday we'll hopefully start moving things over to the new house and then that evening Cory has a "dinner" at Campbell that he is "encouraged" to attend with "his spouse".  So, now we have to find a sitter for the girls. With all of that going on, we also are dealing with the school district and getting all the evaluations and stuff set up for the girls. All 3 of them need to be re-evaluated and be assessed for services. We know that Maggie and Riley are going to Northwest Elementary School.  Maggie will be going into kindergarten, Riley into 2nd grade.  Not sure if they'll get additional academic support or not.  They should considering that the IEP's we brought from Washington stated that they should receive them.  But, who knows.  Plus, we're getting back into the groove of having additional outside resource services as well.  The girls all had their physicals this past week.  Maggie was first.  We found out that her vision needs to be checked (thus the eye doctor appointment).  Her pediatrician is also recommending physical therapy because her muscle tone is so low.  We went home with 2 prescriptions.  One for the infection she had on her chin and the other for medication to try and help her sleep.  Needless to say, the medication for sleep isn't doing a whole lot.  Next was Riley.  Her vision was fine, hearing was where we know it is which is marginal. (Borderline between "normal" and "impaired") They've referred her to ECU for an ENT consult because her tubes are still in (should have been out about a year ago) and the one that has "fallen" out is stuck in her ear canal and left a hole in her ear drum.  So, we're looking at another surgery.  Plus, her heart murmur is actually getting worse. It's not at the "severe" or "concerned" stage yet, but they are referring her to cardiology to be monitored and look at what may need to be done.  And, we're being referred to Orthopedics for her toes since they are now beginning to cause issues for her. (They are misshapen from birth, she came into the world feet first.) Riley all in all is ok. We're dealing with the same issues she's had for awhile. Her digestive system isn't working quite right, so we're looking at things we can do for that. Her doctors here do believe she is on the autistic spectrum and that she would greatly benefit from the services that come along with the autistic diagnosis. Next was Ella.  I should have known walking in with her that she wouldn't make any of it easy. Her vision is borderline. They want to check it again next month to see if she requires a Vision check w/ an Optometrist. Her height and weight are perfect to her age and size. With Ella's drastic behavior and development changes that have happened over the past few weeks, the doctor went ahead and did a typical developmental assessment.  The results of that, combined with the observations and opinion of the other doctors, they believe that Ella may also have autism. Ella would be in the Asperger's range. The doctor is putting in a referral to ECU developmental pediatrics as well as requesting that the school district send her copies of all of Ella's test results.
With all this being said - we are two very scared parents. Neither Cory or myself have slept much in the past few weeks. Ella is becoming more violent and agressive towards her sisters. She isn't really sleeping and is regressing in her development.  The only way to really get her to even come close to a good nights rest is if I rock her to sleep and we give her a rather substantial dose of Melatonin. Ella is also becoming more and more wreckless. She has no fear of anything. She thinks that diving off of the top bunk (Riley's bed) onto her bed (twin size, standard) would be fun. She mixes anything she can get her hands on. (Spices, cleaners, liquids) and plays in it. She'll go running up to anything and anyone. We're praying that she gets back to her normal old self after school starts up and we've moved into the new house. We're also going to start transitioning to an entirely vegan diet. We rarely have milk in the house. We haven't eaten red meat in over 3 months. We eat turkey bacon or vegan bacon. Compared to our old diet - this is a huge change.  The girls primarily drink Rice Milk and don't have junk drinks. Their favorite snacks are carrots and ranch dressing, oranges, grapes, strawberries and yogurt.  This is a big change from our formally french fries, chocolate milk, and hawaiian punch craving kids.  They LOVE salad now too!  We're really proud of them and proud of the healthier choices we're all making.
I've been trying really hard to find the silver lining in all this, but I haven't yet. I can't process the realization that all 3 of our daughters may be autistic. My brain doesn't process it. I can't think about it. I know all the statistics and the sciences behind all of this. I understood the chances of us having more than one child with autism after we had Riley. I expected to have another child with hearing challenges like Riley does. I expected to have more than one child with delays.  After Riley was born and we knew about her challenges, we did all the research. The likelihood of having 3 children with autism in the same family were 2 - 6%. The chances of having 3 daughters in one family, all diagnosed with autism - 1 - 4%.  The chances of having more than 1 child in a family with autism aren't high. Now, we're sitting here with these realizations and being faced with the reality of it, I don't know how to process that. I don't want to believe it. I love my daughters no matter what. That has never and will never be a question. I have, and will continue to, do anything and everything necessary to ensure that they all have all the services, benefits and assistance they need to reach their fullest potential. I know that they can and will grow up to be loving, caring, successful people. But my heart breaks at all the stigma and persecution that they may face. It's hard enough growing up as a girl, but why did they get saddled with this extra baggage? Can someone please explain that to me?  I get that God never gives us more than we can handle - but this is a bit much. I didn't want them to have to fight something this unknown. I hate saying that I didn't "sign on for this". Because I did. I did sign on to be their mother. I do and always will fight for everything they need. I will do my very best to protect them from all the negativity and hatred in this world. Now I guess, I just have to figure out how to accept the reality of 3 autistic children. Maybe I have to forgive myself and allow myself to grieve for what I thought I might have had? I don't know. I wouldn't change a single hair on their heads. I love them unconditionally. I just wish I knew how to absorb this and how to help them learn to cope with all the struggles that they may face in the future.
Please, pray for us.